To Mom...for Mother's Day

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A mom can look different to so many people...but like my sister Julia used to say to me... "Mine is the best." What makes a great mom? I want to know because I would like to be one. I want my kids to have a great mom. Why is my mom so amazing and how do I grow up to be just like her?

This is what I have learned from my mom:

Selflessness. My mom is the least selfish person I know. She doesn't have any hobbies except being available to people who need her. You won't catch her having some "much needed me-time". If she can help you she will and most times she will find a way to make your needs her number one priority. I don't know how she pays her bills or cleans her house because she is always busy feeding other people and cleaning other people’s houses. Do I really want to be a great mom? Then it is time I stop worrying about myself. I will give that job to God and start listening to what someone else around me might need.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Righteousness. My mom is like Christ. If you pop in at the right time she will most likely have a new "revelation" to share with you. Something God is teaching her and she can't help but let you in on the beauty of it. It makes her radiantly beautiful. Do I want to be a great mom? I need to have Christ spilling over from my heart and constantly be telling others little, beautiful truths of God's word.

Romans 3:22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.

She is a HARD worker. She modeled the idea of "spending yourself on behalf of someone else." She gave all her energy to her home, her meals, her laundry, her church, her husband, her prayers. I watched her stop in the middle of a haircut to stitch someone up at our dining room table and then start dinner without pausing.  The Lord blessed the work of her hands and she is a gourmet cook, a spotless cleaner, a medical dictionary, a church volunteer warrior, a loyal friend, and someone who shakes the heavens with her prayers. Do I want to be a great mom? Am I ready to work hard? Am I ready to spend myself for the cause of Christ? Will I work HARD for it?

Proverbs 31:17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Eternity-minded. This world is not her home. She doesn't desire anything in it, except maybe an unlimited amount of money to spend at the grocery store, to feed the masses that frequent her house. She is constantly reminding others, "this life is temporary." She doesn't desire the latest fashions or busy herself with things that will not matter for eternity. Do I want to be a great mom? Am I ready to lose the grip on this world? Am I ready to have nothing because I can't take it with me anyway?

Job 1:21 He said "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Goodness. She brings goodness wherever she goes. People trust her because she has a long history of goodness. She does not harm others with her words or her actions and she helps other people to not do the same. I know she will bring a peacefulness and a joy when she is around...and it makes me want to be around her a much as I can.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Our personal family hair stylist

 Carving out a week of her life to come help me with a new baby. She is about to do this for the 33^rd time with my baby in July!

 Saddling up a horse for my kids…any time!

         Just being beautiful… and making amazing birthday cakes for my kids 

You are one amazing lady if this is your fan club (made up exclusively of                                                   your grandkids)!

School Is Out For The Summer!

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April 30th and all the school books are done! You know that feeling you got on the last day of school as a kid? I never thought I would experience it again, but I do every year when those books are shut. It is that feeling of "NOW WE CAN PARRRRTEEEE."

That is what we did today. We took a minute to celebrate these little ones and their commitment to hard work. This year they took books in vans, planes, swing sets and doctor’s offices. They went on field trips, served their community and still got all their work done.

A trip to the library where the boys got their own library cards, lunch at Taco Bell, a certificate and some spending money for a toy was enough excitement to last us a while. We also got a celebrity visit from the principal/guidance counselor/dance instructor/main financial donor/dad! It was a kick off to a summer of fun that awaits.

Here are a few of our 2015-2016 school year highlights from this school year:

1. The boys earned a pet for having 30 school days without "grumbling or complaining (Phil 2:14)". The snake and the guinea pig are still alive! Their room smells like animal feces and is covered in hay, but love is in the air!

2. We attended Hope Homeschool's "Enrichment Days" and the kids took Karate, Kickboxing, Piano, wrote letters, built cars and contraptions. We were definitely... enriched!

3. We packed backpacks at church for kids at our local school so kids could have lunches and dinners on the weekends. The opportunity to serve others was a blessing for our family. We had lots of beautiful talks about those who don't have as much, are role in that as Christians, and dying to ourselves and serving.

4. We memorized Romans 12. There is really nothing as powerful as hearing your children recite a whole chapter in the bible. I still am amazed that a five-year-old can know a whole chapter in the bible. It has motivated me to expect great things from these little ones and never quit challenging them!

5. We hung with friends a lot of days. Mom got to have coffee with neighbors and school got done before or afterwards. We read at night or got up early and we loved our schedule on very scheduled days and loved the flexibility on other days.

6. The boys finished 2nd grade and Abigail finished her kindergarten. We are going to have 3rd graders and a first grader next year! Oh my...where is the time going. 

This homeschooling gig is very stressful some days. If you lived at our house, you would know we have a long way to go in achieving the "righteousness of Christ". Kids get sick, learners get frustrated...mom gets frustrated! It is never quiet here, I can't make a doctor’s appointment for myself to save my life, poop and times tables go hand and hand. By God's grace, our greatest victories happen in light of those hard days. Sassy and selfish kids are learning to love their siblings and patiently help and teach them, we are cherishing this season of family time together and remembering that days with no kiddos are right around the corner. We are working out our salvation together as we work through hard things and tough questions together. One of the biggest blessings is that we have TIME. We have time to talk, to snuggle, to read, to discipline. We had to get out the door some days and that can be stressful and hard, but we do it. Other days we stay home... sometimes for days and days. There is a slowness that gives peace and calmness to our days.

A few life giving verses for our year:
"For human help is worthless. With God we will gain the victory." Psalm 60:11-12

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 61:8

"Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:13

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18

Thank you Jesus for another successful year!

We did HALLOWEEN...and survived

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Another great Halloween success! We are loving our tradition of participating in our churches Trunk or Treat.

Actually, the truth is, I struggle with whether to sign up every year. I don't want to wear a costume. I don't want to have to imagine how I will decorate my table. I don't want to go to church early and find child care for my little ones. I really just want to sleep and find a way to convince my kids that there was no Halloween this year...the cousins were lying...AND it's bedtime. YEA! So fun!

My family's tradition growing up was my parents dressing us up and taking us to the neighbors and some good friends’ houses. WE LOVED IT. I have so many good memories and I think it helped cultivate a love for family and spending time together. I really want to do THAT every year. Go visit a few people I know and like. I won't have to talk to anyone I don't know or make conversation! There are some older couples that love to see our kiddos and we like to have an excuse to stop in for a visit. It is very low pressure and easy. Plus, I would still be cultivating family which is one of our family goals. YES! Let's do that option.

This is why it is hard to be a parent, because sometimes there are more than one good option. Really, both would be pleasing to God because we have good motives. Visiting friends and loving on them while keeping myself sane not overdoing Halloween Vs. serving our community and being a part of what our church is doing. Both are good.

We chose Trunk or Treat this year for so many reasons:

1. It hard to describe the feeling you get when you see 200 people lined up waiting to get into church (even if it is for candy). AMAZING. It makes me imagine Heaven and people lining up to be with Jesus.

2. The kids love it. Trunk or treat is a tradition for them now and they look forward to it like I did our tradition.

3. We get to pray for our community and be a light for Christ. The days leading up to Trunk or Treat we pray for all the families that will pass through.

4. The focus gets taken off ourselves and what is fun for us. As we pass out candy we say "Happy Halloween, Jesus loves you." "Thanks for coming, Jesus loves you." The kids learn to share the love of Jesus instead of just focus on how cool their costume is and how much candy they get.

5. We still see a bunch of people we know and love and even more than we could by visiting. We miss a few special friends, but try to stop in afterwards to hit the few people we miss (if we aren't too tired).

I tried to tell myself to rally...I could sleep once these kids are gone.

 "Slap on that Wonder Woman t-shirt that looks like it would fit a teenager (ummm…I thought I ordered a medium, that must mean scandalously tight in Halloween costume sizing) and put a smile on your face. When they are grown and gone you can lock your doors and SLEEEEEEEEP."

NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. Idea crushed.

 I looked around and the other tables were filled with ROCK STAR volunteers who had no little ones or even big ones at home and they were sharing the love of Jesus and giving of their time. I want to be just like them when I grow up!

MOM THOUGHT: Sometimes we need to stay home and lock our doors (been there), but if we can be part of what someone else is doing and it pleases Jesus…get on that team…because it could be AWESOME.

 Nana had a table...she is so fun! Nana Bartlett was in the nursery. We have the most amazing parents.

 Superhero family, flexing, of course.

They were a little disappointed Penelope wasn't in it and that I didn't order her a baby hulk costume like they pleaded for, but they got CANDY...so everyone is happy

We are winning!

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Most days it feel like we are losing at the game of life in this house.

I am losing my mind, my patience and my elasticity around my eyes (WHY, LORD, WHY?). I am losing sleep, my battle with the chocolate chips and my dreams of working out of the morning. I keep LOSING track of the "Compulsive Coloring Child" and keep LOSING every piece of nice furniture.  It is tough to keep my attitude focused on Christ all day when so much losing is going on. 

The toughest loss is when you feel like you are losing your child's heart. They don't want to hear you, they don't want to be near you, and they don't want to like you. That is a hard blow in this house.

On Spencer's bed tonight, I was reminded that losing is actually a good thing when I follow Christ. I lose my will to put myself first, I lose my prideful heart, I lose my sassy attitude, I lose my need for approval of others, I lose any thought that I can parent without Christ. I encouraged him:

"Let's lose those shackles that bind us."

"Let's lose our angry hearts."

"Let's stop thinking about ourselves and turn our thoughts to others."

"Let's lose the Devil's hold on us."

"Let's get used to this idea of losing and look to see how it can make us win in Christ."

We have to embrace our losses so that our kids will be able to win against the Devil and his schemes.

When I LOSE my time to myself, my hair with each new baby, and all my money to milk and eggs and princess underwear, I can FIND a child's heart that is searching for more Jesus. I find time to do bible studies and bedside chats. I find time to snuggle everyone in the morning, when I really want to be cleaning. I find time to do devotions when I really want to knock out a few more school pages... or maybe just knock some on out.

So… when the Devil tries to use this idea of "losing it" (and let me tell you, my husband has heard that phrase a time or two) against us moms...IT IS TRUE. We are losing our grip on our lives. BUT…Only when we are "losing it" can we really be found in Christ. So take heart moms! This permanent state of chaos and moments of failure...that is when we can really chose to WIN. 

Everyone "LOST IT" at dinner with the introduction of the new food group "peas". 

How could someone so cute say, "I love peas, but not eat them right now" so many times?

We recovered from the wailing and gnashing of teeth, by cleaning up with superhero masks and a YouTube jam session. I really just wanted to cry and eat chocolate. 

We ended up praising Jesus after we lost to dinner!

The Window Lie

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How many moms out there are REALLY washing their windows? I thought EVERYONE was...except me. I had a legitimate excuse too. I couldn't open my windows...or get those 100 year old storm windows off... so what was the point? I really didn't even notice that there was a stink bug that had been dead for two years in my direct line to the sandbox. I was blissful, despite dirty windows. I really didn't care. BUT... I knew if I wanted to be MATURE and reach my full potential in motherhood I would have to clean my windows twice a year like my mother taught me and did our whole life. JUST BECAUSE...that is what all good keepers of a home do…right?

                                                                                                               

NO. FALSE. LIES. All of it.

I got new windows...those old 60's windows were long gone. New beautiful windows that slid like butter, and actually locked, moved in. I got a slow start on my window cleaning and decided to wait a full year... you know, to give the windows time to settle in...to be happy and comfortable.

Yesterday, I had no kids for a day and was in full, panic, spring/fall cleaning, throwing everything away that crossed my path mode. As I drank my first cup of coffee I planned my day.

I wrote:

2:30-3:30 Windows

There, that should get me a good chunk done and one be on merry way.

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, as I grabbed my bucket and step stool and paper towel and Windex and trotted outside... I realized, quickly, I didn't know how to get my screens off. 30 minutes on YouTube and those babies slid right out. My husband hadn’t played a cruel trick on me as I suspected. Whoa... TIME IS A WASTING. Now to get to the real work.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS and a little egg sack of spider babies in my tank top LATER... I HAD 4 WINDOWS done. I wanted to cry and curse my mother at the same time. How is ANYONE expected to maintain this level of cleanliness, especially when I don't even notice the dead bird mark on the window unless I am 1 inch from it? WHY, WHY, WHY DO smart people do this?

I called my mother. I told her I have disbanded from her army. I no longer follow her without question and in naive bliss. Somewhere along the line she drank some blue juice her Dutch mother gave her and she never quite came back. I am afraid if I stick close to her now I might hear something like, "if you don't curl your hair every day you are not going to heaven, Honey." Yup...straight up craziness coming from her mouth.

If my husband becomes a stay at home dad, or all these kiddos go off to school, or I hire a full time nanny/cleaning lady we will go back to the drawing board on the windows. Until then... this is PURE GOSPEL: 

If a window gets washed in this house we will treat it like a miracle has occurred and praise Jesus for his unimaginable ways!

MOM THOUGHT: We can’t do it all ladies. Pick you battles!

A Mother's Reflection on Family Pictures

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I have a love/hate relationship with family pictures. I love to see them, stare at them, frame them, shop for them but I HATE to get ready for them and take them. It is like the Nazis are coming and the house is on fire and everyone is calling my name to let me know...and we are late...for the Nazis. I spend the whole morning trying to remember why I paid money for this.

We head into pictures with smiles and stern instructions to be obedient and HAPPY, and we leave with sweat rings, gray hairs and our parental dignity shattered. Slushies were promised for good behavior. Children who smiled got in and got out. Those who cried...well, they didn't stop crying...for anyone or any beautiful thing we promised.

It is all worth it when you get those timeless prints. Your whole family is one place, standing still, clean and MATCHING. It really is a magical time.

However, here is the real story behind these pictures.

"One down...thank you Lord! Did you just pinch me Honey? Please tell me you are not pinching ME already."

 "Why did I think I could wear white pants? Let go of your brother...NOW" 

                                 "I love the camera. I could do this all day."

 "Oh, Jack, please...watch and learn. I have been waiting my whole life for this moment. Don't you just LOVE my dress?"

 "Yup... I would rather be dead." 

"I am about to go down...all the way to Chinatown people. You better break out the big guns."

 "Did I just see a Smarties?"

 "Wow Mom, could you have remembered a Kleenex? It wasn't like it was a busy morning or anything."

 "This is what I clapped, talked in a high pitched voice, and told underwear tricks about your dad for."

 "I am a little nervous about this..."

"Oh yeah, bad idea. You better move fast, old man, or WWF Smackdown is going to break out on the church lawn."

"Ummmmmm...weird"

"Oh...now, super awkward." 

 "Why did we leave our kids unattended pile of rocks... why is there screaming? Why are we taking pictures of the two of us?"

Well, it's been real, but I think we will do that again in another 15 years. 

Really, the love outweighs all of that hate. I have a couple pictures from my childhood with our whole family, and I cherish them. I have to give myself the pep talk I know my mom would give me if she heard me whining like this.

“What are all the positives Krista?” I can just see you looking at me mom.

Okay…

·        We only had to drive to our church, 2 minutes from our house. How is that for close?

·        I showered. Big time win.

·        We only paid $25 and it helped out the MOPS group at our church.

·        Since we were so close to home my Hubby ended up just staying home and working in his office. The kiddos can pop in and see him more often and it is a treat.

·        These babies are so stinkin’ cute and they are disappearing before my eyes. I need some memories of them like this…even if it is a ton of work.

Mom thought: Anything that is fun and memorable takes a lot of work for a mom of littles. We have to choose a few things that are worth it to us and make it joyful. A little bit of laughter goes a long way!

A Usual Stay at my Parents House

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I spent the night at my parent’s house last night. Sometimes when Justin has to be away we sneak over to "Nana and Papa Horses" to have some extra special party time with them.

My parent’s house is, truly, a place like no other. It is not the house or the location, it is them. They attract people like magnets to themselves. Well, it is not really them...it is how much they love Jesus and then everyone who walks in the door. You can't be there a whole day without seeing about five... or twenty, different people stopping in to say hi, borrow something, spend the night or stay for a meal.

We were spending the night. All six of us. Then we had another visitor, Sam...my dad's very extended cousin, which, I am still not really sure how they are related. Then Cody, a friend from my parent’s winters in Arizona who has made is a second annual trip to Michigan to stay for the summer. My parents introduced him to Jesus a few years ago and now he is an on fire believer, eats most meals at the table, and talks about the grandkids like they were his. 

I made fish tacos and my mom fixed a fishing pole up for Spence, hunted for worms and told him he could take the turtles he caught home for a pet. Sam came in and with steaks and we threw those on and then Julia came in with her three little babies. There was roping going on in the arena. My boys jumped in the car with her and we swooped her little ones into a pack and play and sat down for dinner.

After dinner we walked up to watch a bunch of tired parents and dirty kids. They fell into the back porch at 10 pm. We feed them all a juice box and Doritos to top off the night...the parents too. It is like the party never stops over there. 

The next morning we all had breakfast together and chatted about the Lord and how important he is in our lives. His name just floated through every piece of conversation… just like is always has. The boys fished and I sat on the porch with coffee and my baby. I dug for worms and baited the hook.

My mom wanted to plant some flowers at her sister’s grave and needed some assistant ( manual labor). The grave is just over the hill from the arena, past the apple trees, in a family cemetery my dad built. We looked at the flowers...looked at the pot...looked at the kids...drank a little more coffee...feed the baby a bottle... and then found a way to haul it all up there without a visit to the chiropractor.

My mom had HER four-wheeler and HER train that she HAS to have to pull her grandkids around. She won't let anyone else touch it. She will probably ride off into heaven on that thing one day...a modern day Elijah. We loaded that baby up and headed off to our cemetery maintenance. Shovels, mulch, 4 kids, flower pot,  and watering can. Done.

We made the boys dig the holes. Hannah cried because we forgot to get her shoes and she was stepping on the pine needles. Sam stopped by to take a picture of the cross over the cemetery and made all of us pose. Then I took a picture of Sam in front of the cross. He hauled the pot up for us. Alisa drove past us headed to the beach. She got out with all her kiddos. They came right as we were finishing up. I made a joke that is was just like when she was a kid...always hiding in the bathroom after dinner until the dishes were done.

All the kids headed back to the house in the train. I lost my seat. We threw on some suits and headed to the beach. Julia pulled in with her kids to get our numbers up to 15 kiddos. Mom went back and made lunch. We brought the kids up and locked them in the back yard.  The mom's drank diet soda's. We let our kids run until there was absolutely, no denying, that they needed a nap. During lunch Sarah showed up, Julia and Alisa left. Mom and I headed back down to the beach. Boys fished, kayaked and caught turtles. Elijah, the oldest took a boat-load of kids of a fishing tour. The best oldest cousin/role model EVER.

We left with a dirty van, dirty kids, some rotten bananas from the day before, two turtles, sunburns, an ice cream container filled with homemade soup, Dum Dum suckers in everyone's mouth, no matching socks, enough sand in the babies bottom to refill our sandbox... and full hearts.

Mom thought: Someday, when I grow up, I want to be just like my parents. I love to be around them. How do we do that as parents of our own little ones? We love Jesus, put him first and spread the GOOD NEWS to EVERYONE that walks in our path. 

Snappy and Scratchy our newest additions.  One happy turtle owner!

Double Birthday!

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Last year I shared my birthday for the very first time in 30 years. I thought having a baby was the best gift ever on my birthday so I didn't think for one minute about sharing that day. I imagined her and me going out to dinner when she's older every year, making special memories and hugging and kissing each other all day long.

Really, it was just God teaching me another lesson is selflessness. He did it because I am so consumed with myself sometimes that I forget to focus on others and Him.

I LOVE birthdays for my kids. My mom was great at birthdays and I want my kiddos to love me as much as I love her so I have to do birthdays up right. I do special cakes, and balloons and streamers and special cereal and meals and "free day from chores" pass and pick whatever-the-heck you want today and we will probably do it. I love it and I take extra effort and time to make those little ones know they are special to us and even more special to Jesus.

Justin doesn't get into the birthday scene for the kids, except in attendance, but he does do a pretty spectacular job for me on my birthday. He gets breakfast, does dishes, gets kids ready, and anything else I could hope or dream of. I love my birthday and Mother's Day because my husband becomes Super-Man and I become Super Lazy!

Not so for this new birthday routine. We invited friends and family over, we needed groceries and food prepped. My house needed to be picked up and some areas cleaned. Penelope doesn't know what is going on now, but in a few years she will and she will look forward to this being her special day, not mine.

All that being said...it was a great day. Justin and I tag-teamed it in the morning for our church routine. I helped get lunch ready, but he cleaned it all up while I sat on the computer and had coffee. He took the kiddos to McDonald's so I didn't have to make dinner and I could have a few minutes of quiet. We went for a family bike ride and I ate WAY too much Dairy Queen cake.

Every year after this it will be less about me and more about her. That is why God made me a parent...so I could learn to focus less on myself and more on God and others. I guess only those who need a swift kick in the pants are lucky enough to share their birthday and their spoil time!

Each year, Lord willing, I hope to take a picture of us two! Here is our first two years. 

Mom Thought: Life is not made for me and my wants. Until we head home to Heaven we will be learning to put others needs before our own. Children are a great at helping us with this!

We had a baby...I was tired...and two years went by...

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I think that about covers it. Life has been a blur in the life of 5 kids 7 and under. We wake up, eat, wash mounds of laundry, scrub hands, feet and buns, we eat, we read, we train and correct, we eat again, we play, we smile, some one is always crying, and then we fall into a sandy bed with toddler underwear sneaking around our ankles.

My Mom, who is my voice of reason and wisdom, told me you have a baby fog until they are 6 weeks. Uhhhh Mom... lets be real...maybe for baby number 1 and 2, but anything after that I would say baby fog hangs on until about a year...or maybe FOR-EV-ER. 

One year old baby is sitting on my lap right now whimpering about how bad her teeth hurt. She will probably whimper about it at 2:00 a.m. too...BABY FOG. Abba coughed so hard she threw up in her bed three times yesterday…Baby Fog.

Somehow, by our Lord and Savior’s AMAZING grace, two boys made it through second grade, we are all growing in godliness, kids sickies healed, little ones started to use the potty, babies walked and church functions where attended. It really… was all miraculous!

Here is our highlight reel for the last two years:

One of the sweetest peanuts ever was born. Thank you Jesus! Penelope Krista Bartlett born on my birthday.

 We camped...I can't  remember anything except that my amazing in-laws came with us because we physically could not watch all our own kids.

 I tried to work out and then took a picture of it so that I could remember it.

My sisters had a few kids too!

 We had amazing Halloween costumes..

Our sweet little ones got older... and I cried when I noticed it.

We remodeled our house and I got an island that seats 7 out of the deal. One of my life dreams! Party house!

We bowled and the kids were cute.

The little ones became big helpers and more responsible and it was fun to see.

We looked around and wondered how we had five kids already. We were so young and good-looking still...clearly. We thanked our parents for our good genes.

I had a birthday party where I made cakes and little girls smile, but didn't brush the birthday girl's hair.

 We went on dates, fell more in love, worked harder on our marriage and started to gross the kids out when we kissed...which is WAY more fun then I ever imagined!

The rocking chair that rocked

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I spent my nap time furiously cleaning our living room. It never gets cleaned very well and it is our main hub, besides the kitchen table, and that is just a whole nother' nightmere.

I got to the rocking chair and really looked at it for the first time in a couple years and thought, "gross”. That is it. Just plain nasty.

 I think my mom cleaned it once after I had a baby.

 I woke up from a nap and she casually mentioned she cleaned the chair like she hadn't been vomiting in her mouth the whole time. I mean... this thing had spit-up cakes and milk drips on every square inch of it. I took a steak knife to the crap that was built up around the spindles. As I scraped away I started thinking about people with beautiful homes and beautiful things and how their houses were always pristine on TV and in the magazines.

What was wrong with me? Wait. No. What is wrong with these KIDS?
This rocking chair was a gift. Brand new when we had our first little one. A beautiful chair, delivered from the NICE furniture store in town. It felt so luxurious as I rocked my first baby in that chair. Now the oatmeal cushions are stained (what was I thinking when I picked that color, so naive) the walnut stain is half-there, half running for its life. Where did my beautiful chair go and who left me with this burp rag?

Then I thought about all the babies rocked here. All the forts that have been tucked under the foot stool. All of the songs sung, all of the prayers said, and stinky blankets snuggles. The houses in my mind don't get the kind of traffic we do. We have to use our things and hang on to them for life because we live on one income and we want dad to actually be able to sit in the house he bought.

Kids don't care about what kind of stuff we have in our house. A used bunk bed and a $1000 bunk bed with matching comforters sleeps the same to them. A beat up rocking chair and a new, made-to-order, rocking chair, rocks the same. I have to remind myself of that a lot. I hope my daughters will enjoy the gift of this hand-me-down rocker some day when their little ones come, with all the memories imbedded in it. Maybe we will re-purpose the cushions before that happens... the memories might smell sweeter!

Reminding myself of the beauty in the filth, the joy in the busyness, the sweetness in the chaos.